Recently I read about a female undergraduate student who was brutally and mercilessly beaten by her boyfriend. By now you’re probably wondering what she had done to deserve such a treatment. Did they have and argument, did she do something wrong? If you’re asking these questions, I’m afraid you’re wrong because this young lady got beaten for….burning….rice! Yes it’s exactly what I said. She got beaten for burning rice.
After sharing with my colleagues at the office, someone mentioned that she and that boyfriend of her must have been living together. This reminded me of an all time important issue-COHABITATION!
It’s no longer news that a large number of singles, ladies especially, have cultivated the habit of living together with the opposite sex. And at the end risk of sounding “old fashioned” it makes me wonder if they have any idea what this seemingly ignorant and foolish action can cost them tomorrow.
I’m personally yet to understand the reason why young ladies feel the need to sell themselves short to please and keep a man and their relationship. It’s belittling and the reality is that it has become one of the many factors contributing to the declining success in marriage these days. You discover so many ladies are performing wifely duties for a man who has given them little or no commitment. You give them SEX, wash their clothes, you make their meals; you clean the house and so much more all in the hope that your actions would buy his commitment. It’s so disturbing; why should he get married to you when he is getting all he needs, wants and much more. Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for FREE.
Honestly if I’m talking to you, it’s high time you sat yourself down and have a rethink. I have seen girls who dated and lived with a man for years and yet he did not settle down with them. They had given years of their love, energy and sweat with nothing to show for it.
When you cohabit with a man that’s not your husband and perform wifely duties when you have never even met any member of his family, not to mention being acknowledges as his fiancé (even if you are) you lose self respect, you appear desperate and most of all FOOLISH
I have seen people who actively endorse co-habitation saying things like it prepares you for marriage blah blah blah and I will actively face them square down to disagree. Co-habitation does not make for a successful marriage because it lacks a key ingredient which every marriage has-COMMITMENT
When you cohabit there’s no major commitment. Both of you are only attempting to give your relationship a shot; to see if it will work out and the irony is that since you’re not bound by law or covenant, you can readily back down at any time. CO-HABITATION is not love, neither is it a guarantee for your relationship. ITS IS SELFISH MANIPULATION AND EXPLOITATION. Let me state at this point that nobody is a victim here. The lady lives with a man in a bid to buy him over with her body and wifely actions (Manipulation) while the man gets the benefits of a helper for free (Exploitation )
There’s a reason why God expects intending couples to wait until they are married before living together. For one he said “marriage is honorable the bed undefiled” (no premarital sex) and even if those all around you are doing it, it doesn’t make it right. When you live with a man who is not your husband, you stand the risk of giving the best part of yourself to someone you might not get married to. Listen ladies, men are physical in nature. They are chasers and they value the most what they have earned or paid a price to accomplish. I’m talking about value laden relationship where the man chooses to be with you because of the virtues he sees and admires in you.
If a man is living alone there are certain things he needs to learn how to do. Not only will he be preparing himself to be a responsible husband and father in the future, the moment they realize that ladies are no longer willing to sell themselves short, they will sit up learn the DIY (Do It Yourself) method
The story of the undergraduate I mentioned earlier said that that girl was actually busy with other chores in the apartment and forgot there was rice on fire. What other chores was she carrying out? Washing, sweeping, and cleaning. Without a doubt she must have been having sex with that boyfriend of hers and all her LABOUR OF LOVE did not matter when he pounced on her like a mad dog. She could have died; she could have become another statistics ;all for what and for who?
A large number of girls who labour in their boyfriends’ house would not even lift a finger in their father’s house to help out in the home. So what exactly are you trying to prove?
If living with A does not work out; you’ll move in with B, how many men you have to sleep with, cook for, and clean for before you meet the right person. How many frogs do you have to kiss to find your prince charming?
Ladies wise up and stop the self selling trade and if you won’t listen to wise counsel at least make sure you get paid for your services….because even maids get paid.
For all the young men out there, if you want it, you should put a ring on it. For the records, Beyonce was not the first to say that, Apostle Paul had said so many many years ago. 1 Corinthians 7: 2 & 9
Written By Eyitemi Adebowale